How can you help your child refocus after an intense day?

Does your child come home from school agitated, irritable or completely exhausted? Does he or she explode at the drop of a hat, refuse to talk or seem unable to stop? After a day rich in stimulation, many children need a transition time to release the pressure and regain their emotional balance. Noise, concentration, social interaction, rules to be respected, contained emotions... their brains and bodies have been very much in demand. The good news is that there's no need to set up complicated routines to help them. A few simple gestures, a reassuring environment and adapted activities can really make a difference.

Why do children find it hard to «come down»?

An accumulation of stimuli and emotions

Paying attention, managing emotions, respecting rules, interacting with others and constantly adapting to one's environment all require a great deal of energy. According to UNICEF, childhood is a particularly sensitive period for emotional stress and overload. Children are still developing their ability to manage their thoughts and emotions. Some specialists refer to this as «restrain collapse». They refer to a phenomenon observed when children “hold on all day”, then suddenly release the pressure once they've returned to their safe space. In other words: in the evening, your child doesn't behave “less well”. He simply feels safe enough to let out what he's been holding in all day.

Different reactions for different children

Not all children decompress in the same way. Some become very agitated, irritable, noisy and constantly seek opposition. Others tend to cry easily, close up, need solitude, and seem exhausted without being able to calm down. UNICEF reminds us that events stress in children can vary greatly according to age, personality and emotional experience.

Signs that a child needs to refocus

The most frequent behaviours

A child who needs to decompress can :

• get angry quickly; ;
• refuse simple requests ;
• becoming hypersensitive; ;
• overexcited“; ;
• difficulty concentrating ;
• demand a lot of attention; ;
• or, on the contrary, want to isolate themselves.

Sometimes, what looks like provocation is simply a sign of emotional saturation. Understanding this often allows us to change the way we look at these difficult moments.

Why going home is a key moment

The transition between school and home plays an essential role. For many children, there is no real “lock” between the two. The schoolbag is put down, and then everything follows: homework, bath, meal and instructions. And yet, the brain needs a transition time to move from a highly stimulating environment to a more soothing one. A few minutes' peace and quiet can save a lot of tension.

Five simple rituals to help your child decompress

After-school quiet time

As soon as you get home, try slowing down for a few minutes:

• offer a quiet snack; ;
• play soft music ;
• avoid immediate questions (“How was your day?”); ;
• limit stress.

Some children need to talk right away. Others prefer to calm down before recounting their day. Observing how they work helps a lot.

Propose a creative activity with no objective

Creative activities are particularly effective in helping children release tension. Drawing, coloring, manipulating clay, inventing characters or putting on make-up allow children to express what they don't always know how to verbalize. The brain gradually leaves “control” mode and returns to play, imagination and sensory pleasure. Visit creative make-up can become a veritable ritual of transition:

• turn into calm animal ;
• invent a protective character ;
• play with colors ;
• create a story together.

Here, it's not a question of aesthetics, but of expression and creativity.

Using the body to release tension

Refocusing also involves the body. After a day of sitting and concentrating, some children need to move around to release accumulated tension. Simple activities help the nervous system to return to a calmer state: free dancing, stretching, motor skills, playful breathing, a hot bath, hand or back massage....

Respect your need for silence or solitude

Some children need a few minutes alone when they get home. This need is particularly prevalent among children who are introverted, hypersensitive or very socially solicited during the day. Respecting this time without taking it personally can really help them to regain their balance more quickly.

Establish a reassuring ritual

Rituals are very reassuring for children. They allow the brain to hear and understand: «the day is over, you can relax.» It doesn't have to be long or perfect. Regularity is more important than performance.

It can be :

• a story ;
• drawing of the day; ;
• a few minutes of symbolic play; ;
• a moment of creative make-up; ;
• a breath together before the meal.

Why do creative activities soothe children?

Create to better regulate your emotions

Creating helps children to channel their attention, slow down and express their emotions indirectly. When he draws, paints or imagines a character, his brain mobilizes areas linked to creativity, exploration and pleasure. This gradually promotes a return to calm. Creative play also offers children an important feeling: that of regaining control in a world they have mastered.

Make-up as an emotional transition game

Transforming oneself into a butterfly, a tiger or an imaginary creature may seem harmless... but these games have a real emotional function. They enable children to :

• symbolically change state; ;
• explore different emotions; ;
• to move from the world of school to the world of imagination; ;
• to share a moment of complicity with their parents.

And sometimes a few colors, a paintbrush and a little imagination are all it takes to completely transform the mood at the end of the day.

👉 You may also be interested in this article: Children's make-up and self-confidence: more than a game, a key to growing up well

No child can stay calm, focused and emotionally available all day long. The need to decompress is normal. The aim is not to avoid every crisis or every emotion, but to gradually help the child regain his balance after an intense day. With a little listening, a few simple rituals and some creative space, these sometimes difficult moments can become real times of reconnection. Because when it comes down to it, what children need most to center themselves... is often to feel welcomed just as they are.